I may have made myself a tinder profile and it turned out I have a match with a pretty cute guy and now I have to send him a message but hello I’m awkward and it was supposed to be fun now I just don’t know what to do with myself like how do you talk to a guy??????
Let’s be honest the only thing that made 2016 more bearable for me was Antoine being Antoine, my kid, my son, my french cupcake. Can’t wait for you to be cute and make silly jokes and be more embarassing in 2017 and I’ll love you more for that.
My mental health is getting really bad again and I’m going to lose it pretty soon. Thanks life.
It’s pretty strange that we keep running into each other. La La Land (2016)
Another post about how much I hate myself.
I’m 25 and I can’t organise a trip by myself because I’m too scared there would be a problem with paying online because my dad is always telling me it’s not safe and just the fact of doing something he doesn’t want me to do makes me anxious because I’m freaking scared of his reactions and I can’t do it. I can’t make my own decisions. I can’t do it and I have to rely on other people and I hate doing that because it makes my confidence level to 0. I feel like a selfish person who only need people when I need something. Like when I decide not to go to a show because I’m paralysed by the fact of going home at night and I’m too embarrassed to ask a friend to stay at their place and it makes me mad and sad. Or when I don’t text or call people because I feel like I’m annoying them and if I don’t have news from them, it’s probably because they are better without me and just when I decide to text that one friend, trying to fix our friendship and that she doesn’t text me back. How am I supposed to feel after that.
I feel like a child. I don’t know how to do adult things and to get my life together. I hate the fact that I’m spending all my time alone in my room but I don’t really want to change that because it feels nice. I’m used to it. I want to be like other people but I can’t act like them. I need to accept things the way they are. I wish I could be able to save an airbnb online. Instead, you’ll find me in my bed probably having a mental breakdown becaue I’m fucking incompetent to anything.
I’m having troubles dealing with life these past few days and my dad is making it worse again.
This morning, I walked in the living-room to have breakfast. He was there, watching tv but he saw me, I can tell because we ( kind of ) smiled at each other to say hello. Then I got back to my room.
Later, I came back to the living-room and he said “good morning” to me. I told him I was there earlier and he said that he didn’t remember it.
I am officially invisible, thank you dad.
I feel bad again and I can’t control it. And the worst thing is that I don’t talk about this. I have no one. I’m all alone in this. People can think that if I don’t show how I feel, then I’m not suffering. I know depression is a “thing” now but I’m not playing any game right now. I’m just a fucking mess and it hurts so bad. I hate every inch of my body, I hate how jealous of some people I am, I hate my dad for not being the dad I wanted him to be, I hate the fact that I hate my dad. I hate not being able to stay all alone in a place without being afraid of everything. I hate the fact that I’m still thinking about you. I hate how I love this little kid and I’m missing him so much right now it hurts me not being able to be in his life. I hate the fact that I can’t cry. I keep it all inside me and it’s a weight I can’t handle sometimes. I hate how the only true friends I have are imaginary friends. I hate her for not caring enough. I hate myself for not having the courage to tell her how I really feel. I hate that I can’t fully enjoy days with my friends, I hate the fact that I’m always afraid when I have to talk to any guy. I hate making phonecalls. I hate my mother. I hate pretty much everything about my life . I have to deal with all this pain and it’s like a punch in my heart. Guess I’m not doing pretty well today. But when you’ll see me, I will pretend it’s okay. I won’t talk. Because I don’t want you to leave. That’s my thing.
I made myself sad and I hit the ground hard again and I’ll never learn and nobody’s here, I hate today.
u know ur in deep when ur singing along to one direction and u do the vocal changes that they sing live